This entire post is a joke; it is being written in observation of April Fools' Day. Do not believe anything contained within.
Today is April 1, the day of merry pranks and jokes. To that end, I am posting this in the hopes of catching some of you unawares. A portion of you will read this and know that it is all a prank; you will have likely also read pranks and jokes on other websites. But chances are high that a majority of you will read through this entire post and not realize the irony or humor contained within, and you may even tell a few friends about it before you realize the error of your ways. At that point, you may feel slightly embarrassed. Don't worry, it's all in the nature of the joke.
I can't take all the credit for catching you unawares. I had ample help preparing for this deception. Several of my closest friends were indispensable in the labyrinthine planning stages of this elaborate spoof. We spent hours going over the details, and now that you have been sufficiently taken for a ride, I can safely admit their involvement. If some of you feel cheated or deceived, please take your frustrations out on me and not them, as they were kept mostly in the dark about the eventual purpose of their machinations.
To those who may suppose that posting such a farcical tale of whimsy as this would perhaps discredit future writings of a more serious nature, you need not worry. I assure you that this preposterous and comedic anecdote is the only one of its kind.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Financial concerns
Greetings Cradle-goers,
It's been over half a year since we last talked but something's come to my attention that I'd like to bring up. Below you see what appears to be an innocent person carrying an inconspicuous book on a nondescript street.
Click for full size
If you look closer, however, you'll find out that there's much more to the scene than you thought. This poor individual has been the victim of an unfortunate agenda to rid the contents of his wallet and bank account. At a cursory glance, you might be tempted to believe that he is of lower-middle class status, perhaps a college student getting by on minimum wage and federal grants. Let your eyes wander to the bottom and you will observe what appear to be descriptions and prices of various clothing garments, all of which adorn our street-crossing urchin. It is at this point that you will make the horrifying discovery that he is actually filthy rich and has spent in excess of $300 on pants. Jeans. Denim.
His entire outfit costs $484, not including the "vintage hat and scarf," which are listed as not available. What? Is that the only item that Urban Outfitters hasn't bought from Goodwill and then marked up the price 100 times higher? I've got a pair of corduroys with frayed edges, ripped hems, and a hole in the pocket, and you can buy them from me for $300. No wait, $150. Actually, I think I won't sell them; I've had them for over 4 years and I enjoy wearing them. So if you want to look as cool as me, you're going to have to do what this poor bastard did: spend nearly two weeks' pay on a pair of dingy pants.
Tune in next time to see if he makes it across the street. I'm hoping he doesn't.
It's been over half a year since we last talked but something's come to my attention that I'd like to bring up. Below you see what appears to be an innocent person carrying an inconspicuous book on a nondescript street.
Click for full size
If you look closer, however, you'll find out that there's much more to the scene than you thought. This poor individual has been the victim of an unfortunate agenda to rid the contents of his wallet and bank account. At a cursory glance, you might be tempted to believe that he is of lower-middle class status, perhaps a college student getting by on minimum wage and federal grants. Let your eyes wander to the bottom and you will observe what appear to be descriptions and prices of various clothing garments, all of which adorn our street-crossing urchin. It is at this point that you will make the horrifying discovery that he is actually filthy rich and has spent in excess of $300 on pants. Jeans. Denim.
His entire outfit costs $484, not including the "vintage hat and scarf," which are listed as not available. What? Is that the only item that Urban Outfitters hasn't bought from Goodwill and then marked up the price 100 times higher? I've got a pair of corduroys with frayed edges, ripped hems, and a hole in the pocket, and you can buy them from me for $300. No wait, $150. Actually, I think I won't sell them; I've had them for over 4 years and I enjoy wearing them. So if you want to look as cool as me, you're going to have to do what this poor bastard did: spend nearly two weeks' pay on a pair of dingy pants.
Tune in next time to see if he makes it across the street. I'm hoping he doesn't.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Metropolis (new music)
I haven't got much to post lately. Here's a song I wrote recently (with a little help from Dan on a couple lines). Listen to it here (with a little help from Greg on the guitar part at the bridge).
"Metropolis"
I know that you're up there
I'm up there too
And that's where I'll stay
If it's alright with you
I'm floating on the air
We move from place to place
As you sleep the day away
Try to keep a little faith in me and you
If that's okay with you, I'll stay
If you go, don't leave me here
Cuz this city is being overrun by
Businessmen in Cadillacs
Singing songs about drawing up a contract
You're laying in the yard
With your head up in the sky
Playing seventh chords
Dreaming of July
You're taking this too hard
But still you count the days
And the things we can't afford
And the things I couldn't say to you
If that's okay with you, I'll stay
If you go, don't leave me here
Cuz this city is being overrun by
Businessmen in Cadillacs
Singing songs about drawing up a contract
"Metropolis"
I know that you're up there
I'm up there too
And that's where I'll stay
If it's alright with you
I'm floating on the air
We move from place to place
As you sleep the day away
Try to keep a little faith in me and you
If that's okay with you, I'll stay
If you go, don't leave me here
Cuz this city is being overrun by
Businessmen in Cadillacs
Singing songs about drawing up a contract
You're laying in the yard
With your head up in the sky
Playing seventh chords
Dreaming of July
You're taking this too hard
But still you count the days
And the things we can't afford
And the things I couldn't say to you
If that's okay with you, I'll stay
If you go, don't leave me here
Cuz this city is being overrun by
Businessmen in Cadillacs
Singing songs about drawing up a contract
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